Soul Searching

Long day, long weekend..

Had the talk that made me feel like. I was so connected.. Bryan and I are just... old men stuck in a 20 year old body. So different.

Is he really right? Are these the characteristics that set us apart?

Bryan:

Driven by fear

Superiority is key

Self aware > self belief

Self justify for motivation

Me:

Driven by belief

Providing makes me happy. Intrinsic value in activity vs achievement

Self belief > self aware

Able to motivate, convince self

Bryan's prediction: 

I want to experience, to meet people. Not yet found what I fight for.

Fails to respect and give credit for Dawn's drive. Might go on the wrong track, and be unable to turn back.

It just was a very engaging talk. One that made so many things come together. Will I forego many things for (apparently) mediocre things? Can I be happy? Will I regret?

Will I get caught in the rat race? I hope not.

I want to find ground of my own. I want to be special. To be able to provide, to help For those I can, to the best I can.

Note to self: "Why do I say certain things about certain people?"

Heartbeat

Just talked online to you, after deciding not to meet you. We're not talking about the sensitive things, and i guess rightfully so. We talked, as friends.

I always have this urge to ask you if you regretted. Would that make me throw aside everything, as I did? Or is once, enough?

You said you dreamt of me. I was surprised. Really. So messy, really, in my heart, amidst the music and deafening silence at 4am....

Earthly Desires

Tonight, Im thinking of you, Jasmine. My friends and I laugh about whatever happened from time to time, and I'm okay with us being parallel or even diverging. But I do miss you. No matter how bad you have ever been to me.. I will secretly always be carrying a torch for you. Inextinguishable? Only time will tell for me.

I had a chance to meet you when you went through me to buy some perfumes via Bryan, but I didnt. Cause I was afraid of meeting you. That my feelings get stirred again. I don't know whats best to do in that case. I would have been caught up with you. Again. It's been about 8 months now since I woke up from that dream. Oh God, I have no idea what I am doing.

Typing on a computer might be better for me! It's not something you really need comments on i guess? When sharing with friends.. I miss you ever so much, although you are just a stranger now, just like how we started. And now this is how it ends.